My EX was Secretly ALT-RIGHT

I’ve gone behind enemy lines so you don’t have to. When I met him, I was still very ignorant and naive. I was a sophomore at Bristol Community College and he was a freshman. One night, my friends and I were looking for some weed, and someone gave us his number. I was attracted to him right away, I texted him from my own phone and we ended up hooking up the next day. He was actually named after a former Democrat president (I’ll just refer to him as K) so obviously he came from a very liberal family.  At first we were just fuck buddies but we started hanging out more and more. I guess I was always somewhat woke, because he and I were never exclusive, I found monogamy oppressive, especially with a white guy. We still considered ourselves boyfriend/girlfriend but we were in an open relationship. He didn’t seem to mind. Things were going well until the following year, when I transferred to Brown University.
I had always considered myself a feminist, but starting Brown opened my eyes to how things really were. I was learning so much, and I was eager to share my knowledge with him. I spoke of rape culture, the patriarchy, and the oppression I faced as a biracial women. I educated him about his white privilege and how to be a proper ally. He stayed quiet at first, which I thought was good. I thought it just meant he was listening to me.
Back then I identified as bisexual, but now I know that I’m in fact pan-sexual.  K and I enjoyed including other women in bed with us, especially one I started Brown, because I met so many open-minded and sex positive feminists. He was very dominating and it was exciting. Sometimes we would all talk to him about his role in dismantling the patriarchy from within since he was a white male. He’d still stay quiet and I still thought he was taking the time to fathom our message. Listening without interrupting is an important part of being a white ally.
One day I arrived at his house a little earlier than he expected, and met his friend James for the first time. He had mentioned James before, I knew that he sold weed too and that they got it from the same growers, in K’s words, they were business partners. I was really surprised to find that  James was an incredible handsome black man. I just assumed he’d be scrawny and white, like K. After he left, I asked K for James’s phone number.  Due to his fragile masculinity, K would never let other men be involved in our sexual exploration and he knew I’d hook up with other men when he wasn’t around, so I never thought it would be an issue.
I called James later that night, asking if we could meet up with me. At first James was laughing and asking if this was a joke. When I ensured him it wasn’t, he became serious. He said that he’d never hook up with his best friend’s girl. I told him that I didn’t belong to anyone and K understood we were in an open relationship. He told me that me asking K for his number was fucked up and that he felt sorry for K for agreeing to give it to me. He said that I shouldn’t call him again, and just before he hung up be said, “Y’all damn feminists are crazy.” I was shocked that an associate of my boyfriend would use this type of language. I called him back and when he didn’t answer, left a message on his answering machine about how his use of the word ‘crazy’ was ablest and that he clearly didn’t understand what feminism meant.
Then I looked James up on social media, through K’s friends list and realized that James was a HOTEP. For those who don’t know, the Hotep movement is incredibly problematic. They are pro black only when it benefits black men, essentially they are the black version of the alt-right. Blogger/Activist Janaya “J” Khan describes a Hotep as “A person who promotes a quasi-religious, quasi-intellectual set of beliefs based in obscure and dramatically inaccurate historical references to ancient Egypt while ignoring the rest of Africa, obsession with food modification, conspiracy theories, the regulation of Black women and their bodies, and the ’emasculation’ of Black men.”
I called K right away to inform him of his friend’s bigoted views. To my shock, he was well aware and defended James, saying that he wasn’t really a bigot and even admitted that he agreed with James on a lot of issues. I was shaking. We met the following day to discuss this more in-depth. I had told him to come to my apartment, but he wanted to meet somewhere public. There in a crowded restaurant, he told me that he disagreed almost all of my views, but that he still liked me as a person and just didn’t want to upset me. I wanted to scream and rip my hair out. I wanted to throw the glass water he was smugly drinking right in his face, but I held my cool. I was filled anger and betrayal, I could hardly see straight. He tried telling me that it was ‘okay’ that we have different beliefs, that we could still coexist. I told him that this wasn’t a matter of opinion, it was fact. That by not supporting my resistance of the patriarchy and white supremacy, that he was enabling the system.  AND HE JUST LAUGHED. I told him he didn’t understand, he was ignorant, he needed to do some research, and he said that he had done extensive research on the matters I presented from both sides, and still disagreed. He said that he understood my perception but just didn’t agree. He said that he’d like to discuss our opposing views farther and mentioned that he thought friendly debates would be fun, he just didn’t think I’d enjoy it. He said, in a very condescending tone, that he just didn’t want to upset me. 
    I asked what exactly he disagreed with. He thought for a moment and said the wage gap was a myth, the west wasn’t a rape culture and that feminists should stand against real rape cultures that exist in the middle east. Racist much?? He said that the patriarchy was to feminists what the illuminati was to conspiracy theorists. He even went on to say that hardcore liberalism was toxic to western civilization! He then denied his white privilege and used the classic ‘anyone can succeed in The US with hard work” line. “Oh and there are only two genders” was the cherry on top.
It hit me then that he was a rapist. He had slept with me and about six of my feminist friends as an undercover ally, had we known of his bigoted and ignorant views, we never would have shared our bodies with him.  I told him this but just laughed again and said he had never vocalized or otherwise indicated agreement with any of my ‘social justice nonsense’ and that sexual encounters were based solely on physical attraction, not political orientation. I got up and left the restaurant then. That should have been the end of the story but it wasn’t.
    I should have known better, I should have walked away but at this time I still cared about him. I tried to understand him. His remark about comparing the Illuminati to the patriarchy was interesting because he really was a conspiracy theorist. Many right winged individuals are somewhat mentally ill and think everything is part of an agenda to destroy their precious western civilization. The truth is, that is our goal but it’s not a bad thing! 
   He didn’t like to talk about it much so I don’t know the full story, but his mother was in jail and him being a misogynist stems from his issues with his mother. Everyone likes to joke about a girl with daddy issues but guys with mommy issues are even worse. Most people who are anti-feminism probably just have unresolved childhood issues. He was a sociopath and a narcissist. He rarely expressed emotions because he didn’t experience any. Many Right Wings are like this.   You see, I still thought that I could heal him, I thought I could make him see the light. 
    We went a few days without talking but then I invited him over. I told him I just wanted weed but of course we hooked up again. I wanted to stay away from him, but I couldn’t. It was like he had some spell over me and I couldn’t control myself so it was like rape. I decided I’d just use him for sex.  We agreed to just never discuss politics again and continued hooking up for a couple more months before we broke up again.
    I had invited him over to have a little fun with my friend Rachel and I. When he arrived, he must have noticed that Rachel was a transhuman because he made an excuse and left. Rachel was in tears all night. When I asked what his problem was he said it was because she was ‘male’. I said no, she identifies as a woman so SHE’S A WOMAN but there was absolutely no reasoning with him. He was willing to take advantage of my friends when they met his own selfish beauty standards
    After adding trans-phobic to the growing list of reasons not to date him, I finally had the courage to cut all ties with him.
    About a month this, I found out I was pregnant.
    I knew it had to be his, because (even though I was on birth control) he was the only guy I’d have sex with without a condom. Aborting his demon span was the most empowering thing I’ve ever done.
    Looking back, I am grateful for the entire experience. If I believed in God, I’d think he sent K to me to teach me a powerful lesson. Friends, be careful. Keep your allies at a distance. They need to know when to be quiet and listen at times but also speak up and confirm that they are on your side. White silence is violence. People who are against the Modern Feminist Movement, or the lgbpttqqiiaa+ community, or the Black Lives Matter Movement or those who think that society has gotten too ‘PC’ like to pretend that their ‘difference in opinion’ is no big deal but it is. There is no hope for these people, they are standing in our way of achieving actual equality and progress. They don’t want equality, something is wrong with them. They are brainwashed. They have no compassion. They are our adversaries. 


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