As children, you and your siblings generally share values instilled by your parents. However, as you mature into an adult, you and your siblings are no longer restricted to doing what your parents allow. Therefore, it is possible that everyone’s lives take them in different directions. Here are a few common reasons why siblings grow apart as adults.
You Don’t Have Anything in Common
It isn’t uncommon for siblings to have completely different personalities or outlooks on life. For instance, you may lean to the left political while a brother or sister leans to the right politically. You may think carefully before speaking while your sibling isn’t afraid to spew insults impulsively. These differences can make it difficult to connect despite being part of the same family. Try to focus on commonalities even minimal. This can include mutual love for nieces and nephews, movies, shared bad memories, anything that can get you chatting.
You Live Thousands of Miles Apart
Adults only have so much say when it comes to where they work. If the best job opportunity is thousands of miles from home, it is generally necessary to make the move for the sake of a steady income. While the internet can bring people closer together, it may not be a substitute for time spent at family gatherings.
In some cases, you may not have access to the internet or have reliable service where they are located. Even if you could access the internet, you may choose not to do so in favor of communicating by phone or by writing letters. In the event that two siblings can’t find a common method of communicating from long distance, it can signal the end of a relationship.
Mom and Dad May Play a Role
You may have tried to make time to come home for the sake of your parents. However, if there is no strong bond between two siblings, the death of mom and dad can lead to relationships becoming weaker over time. This can happen even if there is no ill will between siblings themselves. Feeling like a sibling took advantage of the parents home and finances can cause a divide. That’s why it’s a smart idea for parents to write everything down with a wills and estates lawyers. Then for the children the decisions come from a neutral place.
Of course, it is also possible that your mother or father treated you better than your brother or sister. The neglected child may feel resentment toward you for being the favored child. Those feelings may be too much to overcome to salvage any type of relationship going forward.
As adults, it can be difficult to maintain relationships with those who are not in close proximity. This may be because of a job, a new child or several other obligations that you have to attend to. However, it is important to understand that estrangement is not necessarily your fault or a problem to fix.